Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
