she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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