Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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