This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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