I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
