So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
