Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
