Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my shit smells like andre
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
