Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
