Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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