i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
high people should be assigned attendants
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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