just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
