She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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