He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
