when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize