I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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