When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
