I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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