My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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