it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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