Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
