My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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