By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
