he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
