:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
