Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
