Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
