I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
