there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
