so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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