So drunk its hurt
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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