are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
