What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
