don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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