saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
