I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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