cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I checked into jail on foursquare
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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