I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
