were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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