Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
