Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
