Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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