Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
