Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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