I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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