It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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