No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
