I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
