I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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