if only i could text you this smell
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
