I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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