Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
