2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
