he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
