dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
