I can tuck mytits in my pants
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
