Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
