meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
