when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
