i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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