I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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