C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
