Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
