Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
