So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
