i think my tv is drunk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
