Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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