i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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