i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
