when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
