They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
