no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You are the jesus of drinking
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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