I just threw up on my dentist
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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