3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
